For those of you who use Google chrome Device simulator, Chris found a very interesting bug after a number of hours of research.
Modernizr.js does not work on the Google Chrome device simulator which is why everything seemed so broken to me (because that's what I use to simulate mobile devices). As soon as I checked the built-in apple iOS simulator I saw that the actual issue was very different from what I perceived ... This also led me to be VERY confused on your initial issue description because I did not see what you saw.
Something to keep a look out for.